I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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