I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
