Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
