I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
