I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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