i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
