Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
