i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
