He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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