paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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