you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
