In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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