today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize