I hope mine doesn't look like that
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
