whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
