Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
