i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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