Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
