two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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