You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
