I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
