I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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