you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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