Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize