here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
whose ass print is on the piano?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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