You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize