I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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