everyone is single if you try hard enough
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
