i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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