forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
