I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
