He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
