...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
