i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I forget how to act sober
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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