That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
