She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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