i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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