your room smells of hookers.
And success
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize