i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
