I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
