Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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