it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
