All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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