mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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