thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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