C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
