Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
