never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
