My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
