Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
