Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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