so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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