Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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