This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
