We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize