she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize