Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
