i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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