Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
