TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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