I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The feeling are messing with the penis
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
