They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
