Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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