But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
