im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
