lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
