I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
