There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
